Archive for June, 2013

It’s not just the rain that spoils summer if you’re divorced.

summerWe’re heading for the long summer holidays and if you are separated, it might not feel all that joyous for a multitude of reasons.  Perhaps it’s the first time without your partner or as a family. Perhaps choosing a holiday feels more difficult and more self-conscious.  It may also mean spending time without your children because they are with their other parent.  Summer may feel that it’s happening to others, and not taking you with it.  It’s always strange to break familiar comfortable ways of life or habits.  Even if you get to go on holiday it can feel like a consolation prize rather than what you would like it to be.  However, like anything new it becomes part of how you do things and how you are.  You begin to inhabit it, instead of feeling how strange and odd everything is. Try to reframe the experience, by thinking of it as an adventure, an opportunity to develop, to explore to push your horizons.  Being outside feels lonely, but being inside something of your own creation can feel good. 

No Stigma, no Pain? Really?

Pain of DivorceAlison Steadman has caused a mini furore in the divorcing world.  Perhaps she has been spending too much time with Penelope Keith (see last blog.) In the Daily Mail , she comments that people are divorcing far too easily, because there is no longer a stigma attached to it. Well, she is promoting her new series on love and marriage so I suppose she is allowed some latitude, but… I have said it before and I will say it again. I have yet to meet anyone either in the support groups or workshops that I run, who has walked out of a marriage or been part of a separation with no more thought than ‘it’s over’.  Most people, including people in their 30’s, leave because they are deeply unhappy over a period of time.  Sadly, there often is only one person who makes that decision leaving the other feeling devastated.  People do, unlike Ms Steadman’s belief try to work on their marriages first, going to couples counselling or bringing in friends or family members to try and help them.  It is true there is no longer a stigma attached to it, thank goodness, but the lack of stigma doesn’t make it one jot less painful to the person experiencing a separation.