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A friend in need is a friend in deed. What role do friends play in divorce?

It is natural to think that those you thought were closest to you would jump to the occasion and provide all the comfort and security needed.  However, friends who you might have been on numerous holidays with as families or as a couple, or friends that you spent nights in the pub with, or Saturday nights having dinner with sometimes seem to disappear.  That feeling of taking for granted some very basic elements of security get whipped away at the same time as your relationship.  It is incredibly painful to know that your friends are now inviting your ex and not you, and have perhaps ‘coupled up’ with your ex and his or her new partner instead of staying loyal to you.  There are also friends for whom you are suddenly not the draw that you were before, no longer invited because you are not part of a couple.

Then there are the friends who are real friends, but who you feel you are burdening with the looped tape of your divorce.  You, of course, need to talk endlessly about your feelings and what your ex has done and continues to do, but your fear is that the friendship can’t sustain it.

There are also the friends who don’t really understand and say, ‘it’s time to move on, you should be over it by now, nobody liked him/her anyway.  None of those things, although meant well are at all helpful.

With separation come all sorts of changes and losses.  Friendships are one of those.  Lifestyle changes with divorce and so do friends.  Don’t be surprised, be ready and think of it as a way of meeting new people more in keeping with your new life who will grow with you through it.  They will be more relevant and fit better.  There is a loss inevitably, but there is also a gain. 

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