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Next Workshop
16th March 2012
Whether you are newly separated, or going through the legal process or are already
We will also help you think about how to answer your children’s questions about their
To book a place please call 0207 483 1378 or email c.friedman@divorcesupportgroup.co.uk
Mediation – A good method?
12th March 2012
An interesting article in the Guardian today about mediation: http://bit.ly/yJBzZt It confirms that mediation does work when both people are invested in the process and are able to reach a compromise. In other words, with a skilled mediator, those people who will go the extra mile to be in charge of the outcome of their own divorce will be able to manage it. It becomes more complicated though, when there is lack of trust. If one partner does not believe that the other has disclosed all the assets or savings or pensions that he has, then it is all but nigh on impossible to come to a fair conclusion. How is one to negotiate when the cards aren’t all on the table? There are also the people who want to mediate but who feel that even though a fair enough outcome is reached that the other person will not honour it. That is, that before the agreement is drawn up by a lawyer and endorsed by the court that the other side will go back on his or her word. It has to be better for an individual to be able to negotiate what he wants out of his divorce rather than have a Judge impose something and it has to be better to try and talk about the issues than be on the receiving end of lawyers letters. Anything that makes a painful event, less drawn out and less painful is good. There are lots of pitfalls to mediation and hurdles to climb but if it is possible to mediate rather than litigate, then of course, it is a less painful, less costly and quicker way to settle. However, it doesn’t fit everyone and then the next way of divorcing more amicably is to engage in the collaborative process rather than the litigation process. All these things are a minefield to people who haven’t given any of this a second thought or even a first one, the day before separation. It’s not easy to suddenly ‘know’ about how to divorce at the same time as dealing with all the pain associated with it. There are many ways to approach a legal divorce, but time is needed to understand how to do it and what is best not only for you but for your family.
Is the economic climate making it harder to divorce?
9th March 2012
An article in The Scotsman today talks about less people divorcing because they can’t afford to. The article can be read here: http://bit.ly/wuL32v I think the economic climate does make it very difficult to separate for some people. Where there are insufficient funds to house both people, or insufficient income to cover two separate lifestyles instead of one under the same roof, then people can be forced to stay together much longer than they would otherwise. Sometimes, people start to live separately within the same house to compensate for this, even dividing the house in two with partition walls and rotas for using the bathroom and kitchen. This is far from an ideal solution to separation. Separation needs to look and feel like separation. Going through the same front door each night is distressing and feeling that there is a makeshift solution is stressful. Unfortunately, that is one of the realities of the long term financial crisis that we find ourselves in. Perhaps sitting down and finding a less hostile solution would be an idea if it was possible. That is, living together but separately without the artificial need for partitions and rotas. That is, recognising the separation and just being civil together until the economic cloud lifts and people can truly go their separate ways.
Does your Ex need to be your enemy
7th March 2012
In the wake of the launch of the Debrett’s ‘Guide To A Civilised Divorce’, the
Telegraph ran a story on ‘How NOT to make your ex your enemy’,
in which I am quoted. Is there such as thing as an amicable divorce? In my
opinion, there can be, although this does not mean it is pain free. To reach an amicable divorce settlement, there needs to be mutual compromise, and if one party feels they have been deeply wronged this can be extremely tough. They have compromised enough already, they feel. You can read the full article here http://tinyurl.com/7vvhzfb
Our Divorce Workshop
1st March 2012
We ran a really successful divorce workshop on Saturday in Central London. The purpose of the day was to help people manage their overwhelming feelings associated with separation. We talked about loss, feeling stuck, managing children’s expectations and emotions, fear around moving on and strategies for feeling better. The Workshop was between 10 and 3 with lunch in between.
All the people who came said how incredible it was to be able to share their experiences with other people who really understood and it made them feel much less alone and isolated. One of the nicest things that come out of these workshops and our support groups is that people carry on seeing each other afterwards. Real friendships are made and support continues long after the workshop is finished. Our Saturday workshop was no different. Emails were exchanged and I know that they will all continue to do things together.
Our next Workshop is in Central London on Saturday the 24th March
A Civilised Separation
27th February 2012
The Sunday Telegraph Stella Magazine wrote a good article on the new Debretts Guide to Civilised Separation. You can read the article and my comments here: http://tgr.ph/x3iElT
Divorce in a Box.
8th February 2012
Suzy Miller from the Starting Over Show has introduced Divorce in a Box. This is reviewed here: http://bit.ly/AuUuLH Can divorce and all its ramifications be put in box? The idea is that all the things you may need to know about divorce comes in this lovely box wrapped in ribbon with names of people who can help you. This will cost you £40. Is it the cost which is off putting or is it something else? Firstly, all the information in the box, is available for free online. Secondly, there is something rather glib and gimmicky about buying it in a box. There are self- help books and information leaflets and booklets all over the place. Rightly, I feel, they are not neatly packaged and wrapped in ribbon. A gimmicky gift for someone? Maybe, but how will it be received? The principle of providing help and information at what is a very confusing time, is a good one but to make something into a present, when advice and information pointers should be a given and a right, is an altogether different story. I don’t think you can put divorce in a box no more than you can put death in a box. What do you think?
Divorce Help for Employees.
2nd February 2012
I was recently interviewed by Kent Business Radio about the effects of divorce and separation on people in the workplace and what employees can do to help their employees. You can hear the interview here fast forwarding to one hour and 8 minutes. http://bit.ly/9Hzwzw
Divorce Workshops
26th January 2012
Divorce Support Group continues its series of one day workshops,designed to help you recover from and cope with your divorce or separation. Our next one is in Holborn, Central London on 25th February 2012.
Whether you are newly separated, or going through the legal process or are already divorced, the Divorce Workshop will give you an opportunity to meet others and share your experiences. We will help you think about how to move through your painful feelings, feel less stuck and start to think about your future without fear.
We will also help you think about how to answer your children’s questions about their situation and manage any worries that you may have about them.
The workshops run from 10 am to 3.00pm The cost is £55 including lunch.
For more information go to www.divorcesupportgroup.co.uk/workshop or to book a place please call 0207 483 1378 or email c.friedman@divorcesupportgroup.co.uk
Divorcing with Manners?
24th January 2012
Next month, Debrett’s, the guide to all things proper, will be publishing it’s Guide to A Civilised Separation. The guide is aimed at helping warring couples remain civil and respectable during the usually acrimonious business of divorce.
Although much of the guide may be common sense, it might be interesting bedtime reading for those who wish that their ex would behave in as civilised a way as they are and may provide useful information and reassurance. All in all, a pretty picture of what a respectable divorce may look like.