Do people give up on marriage too easily?
30th April 2012
This morning Sir Paul Coleridge said, that having adjudicated on hundreds of divorces he wants to let people know that they shouldn’t give up so easily on their marriages. His view is that divorce is the scourge of our generation. I am not sure if it is a scourge but it is pretty much common place. I and other therapists working with Divorce Support Group see hundreds of people suffering from the impact of divorce and separation. The impact is devastating and has repercussions and consequences for not only the individuals themselves but also for children,grandchildren,grandparents,friends and other family members. The
consequences of divorce can last, if not negotiated properly a very longtime. Do I agree then, that people should work harder on their marriages? No-one I have seen over very many years, has ever left their marriage easily. Those who have been left have no choice because their partner has simply made the decision for both ofthem. Those who have done the leaving have not done so lightly. Usually, therehave been many years of unhappiness, where couple counselling has been sought and tried, where the couple have tried and tried again to make it work. I just don’t see that people choose to walk out on a marriage in an easy way, like choosing a new pair of shoes or which country to visit for a holiday. It’s not like that. It is really important that if it is possible to stay together then it’s best if they can but if it’s not, then an amicable reasonable divorce is what needs to happen. Years ago, people spent lifetimes in unhappy relationships. Now they don’t. People are free of societal expectation and can therefore leave. That doesn’t mean that it is done easily.