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Mr Justice Wall – impact of parents at war on their children.

Very interested to read Mr Justice Walls’ comments.  I agree that not all parents when going through divorce are truly mindful of the impact of their hostile relationship on their children. We all know that children are used as pawns in the battle between parents, but sometimes the situation is more subtle.  If one parent denigrates the other either to or in front of the children, that child has to do something with that information. The impact is to make them feel that part of them is ‘bad’ as they are made up of both parents.  Usually it means that the child can’t say anything nice about their parent to the other for fear it is not something that she or he will want to hear, so will split things in their mind, always being mindful of what not to say and what to say. Brought up where pesonal truth is not applauded but only what the recipient can tolerate is not healthy for a child.  Parents often feel that they can recruit their children to their view in the name of having a close relationship.  What is ignored there, is that the child loses out on having relationship with the other parent which is essential for healthy development into adulthood.  One parent may feel that is a good thing as what the other has to offer is not good enough.  Usually though, the other parent was good enough whilst married but suddenly acquires a not good enough persona simply through the act of divorce.  It is essential that children are unfettered in their relationship with both parents and that each can encouage him or her in that relationship. That way, guilt, blame, low self esteem and loneliness are not ignited and carried into adulthood.

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