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Separation keenly felt during holiday periods.

I am mindful of how painful holiday periods can be for people who are separated or divorced.   Easter may be difficult, because it may have been a time when you were together as a family either away, or at home and public holidays are a reminder of the loss of the sense of family.  It can also be really hard when you are not with your children over a holiday period because your ex partner has them.  Many people in our divorce support groups experience this and talking it through together can make these times easier.  People have different ways of coping.  Some find booking themselves a few days away with a friend or simply organising lots of events to take your mind off it.  It is easy to ruminate on what your children may be doing or what your ex partner is doing.  Usually the predominant feeling is they are having an idyllic time and that everything is blissful.  This way of thinking just serves to make you feel more alone and left out of something and makes the sense of loss more painful.  However,  very often they are not having the incredible time that you imagine they are.  They are just having a normal time but it is the feeling of being on the outside that makes that difficult to imagine.  You have as much right to have a good time and to use the time to have a break yourself.  Separation is painful, but its more painful if you think of yourself on the outside and having no control.  It becomes less painful if you think of yourself as a whole person who is entitled to have good things too.  Taking steps to be in charge of your own life and time and reducing the time spent concerned about how your ex is doing, are good steps taken which will lessen your hurt.

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