Posts Tagged ‘Mr Justice Wall’

No Fault Divorce.

An article in the Guardian today quotes Mr Justice Wall saying that the time had come for no fault divorces.  I entirely agree.  That is not to say that he or I or anyone who supports that argument are saying that divorce is an easy option or that marriage is not a good thing.  The reason is, that starting a divorce with blame and an adversarial approach means that it is really hard to acheive an amicable divorce.  It is unusual for both people to want a divorce and to be on the receiving end of a partner wanting to leave plus the shame and embarrassment of them quoting all sorts of nasty things in the divorce petition in order to secure a divorce doesn’t help an otherwise painful situation.  What is the point of saying, yes you can break up your relationship but before you do, you must think of some horrible habits and behaviour of your ex in order to get your divorce.  Mr Justice Wall is right when he says divorce is administrative and should not be judicial.  By all means use the Court if things aren’t agreed as a a last resort, but blame the other person for something which at the end of the day has been a two way dynamic? No.  It starts the whole process of on entirely the wrong foot. You can read the Guardian article here:

Mr Justice Wall – impact of parents at war on their children.

Very interested to read Mr Justice Walls’ comments.  I agree that not all parents when going through divorce are truly mindful of the impact of their hostile relationship on their children. We all know that children are used as pawns in the battle between parents, but sometimes the situation is more subtle.  If one parent denigrates the other either to or in front of the children, that child has to do something with that information. The impact is to make them feel that part of them is ‘bad’ as they are made up of both parents.  Usually it means that the child can’t say anything nice about their parent to the other for fear it is not something that she or he will want to hear, so will split things in their mind, always being mindful of what not to say and what to say. Brought up where pesonal truth is not applauded but only what the recipient can tolerate is not healthy for a child.  Parents often feel that they can recruit their children to their view in the name of having a close relationship.  What is ignored there, is that the child loses out on having relationship with the other parent which is essential for healthy development into adulthood.  One parent may feel that is a good thing as what the other has to offer is not good enough.  Usually though, the other parent was good enough whilst married but suddenly acquires a not good enough persona simply through the act of divorce.  It is essential that children are unfettered in their relationship with both parents and that each can encouage him or her in that relationship. That way, guilt, blame, low self esteem and loneliness are not ignited and carried into adulthood.