Posts Tagged ‘Separation help’

Our new Divorce Workshop

Our next divorce workshop is on Saturday November 3rd in Holborn Central London.  There is more information at www.divorcesupportgroup.co.uk/workshop.  Let us know if you would like to join it.

Next Workshop

Following wonderful feedback from our last workshop where all the participants continue to see each other socially, we are running another one in Holborn Central London on Saturday 25th March 2012.

Whether you are newly separated, or going through the legal process or are already
divorced, the Divorce Workshop will give you an opportunity to meet others
and share your experiences.  We will help you think about how to move
through your painful feelings, feel less stuck and start to think about your
future without fear.   

We will also help you think about how to answer your children’s questions about their
situation and manage any worries that you may have about them. 

The workshop runs from 10 am to 3.00pm.The cost is £65 including lunch. 

To book a place please call 0207 483 1378 or email c.friedman@www.web218016.clarahost.co.uk
or for more information go to www.divorcesupportgroup.co.uk/workshop 

Is the economic climate making it harder to divorce?

An article in The Scotsman today talks about less people divorcing because they can’t afford to.  The article can be read here: http://bit.ly/wuL32v  I think the economic climate does make it very difficult to separate for some people.  Where there are insufficient funds to house both people, or insufficient income to cover two separate lifestyles instead of one under the same roof, then people can be forced to stay together much longer than they would otherwise.  Sometimes, people start to live separately within the same house to compensate for this, even dividing the house in two with partition walls and rotas for using the bathroom and kitchen.  This is far from an ideal solution to separation.  Separation needs to look and feel like separation.  Going through the same front door each night is distressing and feeling that there is a makeshift solution is stressful.  Unfortunately, that is one of the realities of the long term financial crisis that we find ourselves in.  Perhaps sitting down and finding a less hostile solution would be an idea if it was possible.  That is, living together but separately without the artificial need for partitions and rotas.  That is, recognising the separation and just being civil together until the economic cloud lifts and people can truly go their separate ways.

Divorcing with Manners?

 

Next month, Debrett’s, the guide to all things proper, will be publishing it’s Guide to A Civilised Separation. The guide is aimed at helping warring couples remain civil and respectable during the usually acrimonious business of divorce.

Although much of the guide may be common sense, it might be interesting bedtime reading for those who wish that their ex would behave in as civilised a way as they are and may provide useful information and reassurance.  All in all, a pretty picture of what a respectable divorce may look like.   

 

Men seeking support during separation

Since I started Divorce Support Group, many more women than men have contacted me either for individual counseling and support or to join a support group, that is, until now.  Now I have as many men as women so that the groups are more balanced in terms of numbers.  It is really useful to hear the other side of things.  As a husband who has perhaps been left, it is useful to hear from a woman in the group who has done the leaving and vice versa.  It is so much easier to hear things from people who have come together solely to share experiences than from well intentioned friends, who may have their own agendas.  I don’t know why more men are now seeking help and are happy to talk about their loss, but it is good both for them of course, but also for women who can hear now the male perspective.

The effect of divorce on men

Much is written about the effect of divorce on women, but much less about men.  Men who have been left feel depressed and isolated.  Generally men feel that they have no one to talk to, see much less of their children than they did before and have to find money that they worry that they haven’t got.  Women seem more able to engage the help of friends, family and professional support.  The men who seek professional support do much better than those who carry on with a public face that belies how terrible they feel inside.  It is easy to marginalise how men feel and imagine that they are doing fine when in fact, much of the time they are not.

Calling a Stepmother mummy

In a  recent Australian case a mother went to Court  to prevent her child calling her Step Mother mummy D.  The Court ruled that it would not prevent the child calling her stepmother what she wanted.  It is very sad that this case went to court and is another example of parents using their child as a pawn in the battle between them.  It is really important to take into account the other parent’s feelings over things like this, which will reduce the hostility between the parents and therefore the situation will be much more pleasant for the child.  It is also good that a child feels comfortable and close to a step parent. It is a far better situation than a child dreading being around their step parent when they have to be.

Celebrating Divorce – I don’t think so.

Just preparing for the ‘divorce show tomorrow in London.  It will be interesting to see what sort of response it gets from people and from the media.  There has been much in the media lately of ‘celebrating divorce’ with cakes, and lists and parties.  I think it is difficult to see how a major life event, that is on a par with bereavement can feel like a celebration.  It is a loss and like all losses has to be processed in order to make sense of it.  Hopefully once that is done, it is possible to move forward and look to a different future which is meaningful.  I do believe that divorce can be an end but it is also in time a new beginning.