Posts Tagged ‘Christmas and separation’

Christmas and Divorce

You may be going into the festive period feeling not quite so festive.  You may have an idea that this will be your last Christmas a couple, or it may be your first Christmas post separation.  These times are difficult, not least because they highlight some very painful feelings.  You may be feeling lonely even though you have arrangements and will be seeing friends or relatives. Life moves at quite a pace and you will be looking back at this period quicker than you thought it was possible.  Dig deep for what resources you have and your capacity to hold on to those parts of your life that are working and still in existence.   January 2nd, will come sooner than you know it and it is an opportunity to re-group and think about how you can make things better for yourself.  Life is not just about one person, one relationship.  There is so much else and so much else to discover.  Of course there is loss and grieving to be done but it is not the whole story.

I wish all my readers a peaceful period and that 2018 is a good year for you all.

I have tried to share in my new book ‘Breaking Upwards, how to manage the emotional impact of separation’  all the thoughts that I have about divorce and separation gathered over many years as a therapist and as a barrister representing many people through their divorce.  I hope that you will find it helpful by using it to manage your separation:




Christmas isn’t fun for everyone.

If you are separated or divorced, you know only too well, how difficult Christmas can be.  There is the idealized image portrayed by glossy magazines and TV adverts.  The image of happy families opening presents under the tree and sharing fun and laughter around a table piled high with food.  The reality is a little different. Few people if any have anything like that sort of Christmas.  Christmas, though, can highlight all the feelings associated with separation and make feeling alone and isolated more acute.  Children shared between households, can also be painful especially if you are used to being all together.  I think it is important to try not to be seduced by how fabulous everyone else’s life is and remember that nothing is that ideal.  Loss is painful but good things can come out of it and Christmas is only a day.  Try to concentrate on making it work for you, by making sure that you are busy if you want to be or that you have some good DVD’s and nice food lined up if you don’t.  2012 will blow out with the weather and 2013 will blow in with fresh possibilities and a new start.